Flores, vitaminas, y mucho sexo.

im supposed to just be okay while you’re in another girl’s arms? kissing? and hugging? and cuddling?

no.

nope.

not.

nein.

will not.

cannot.

I went to the Health Center the other day, they prescribed me xanax and celexa. The xanax is great. I’d rather not take the celexa since it apparently really hinders your libido and/or your ability to have an orgasm….

I’m too young to for sexual dysfunction. But really my depression and anxiety are getting really fucking bad. I don’t even think I can finish this semester, which is terrifying because my family would equate me taking a semester off with me dropping out of school. That’s not what I want, at all. But I don’t want to stay here and fuck up, have that reflect on my GPA and have it actually ruin shit for me later. I spoke to the dean of my school and my advisor and they both assured me that taking a semester off would not be the end of my life. My dean was actually really encouraging, he apparently thinks really highly of me because I still managed get awesome grades despite what happened with my mom last semester. But here’s the thing, when I came back to school last semester I was still in shock. Now…..it’s hard for me to adjust.

Other aspects of my life suck. My anxiety is like at an all time high.

When I was coming back up to school on Monday night Shortline managed to lose my suitcase with pretty much my entire suitcase…..easily $600 worth of clothes. Probably more. And everyone keeps telling me to relax but yo…I don’t own that much in the way of clothing. That was like all I had, clothes I’ve had for years, just fucking gone.

It’s stressful as fuck. My life is just overwhelming and I’m not sure I can handle it right now. Maybe I should take the pills and wait it out at school….maybe I should just take a semester off. I don’t know.

This shit sucks.

To-do list;

Shower
Eat
(Start) packing
Clean room
Read

Update: Tomorrow I’m getting a new crown because this one has a crack in it and I keep bleeding from it. I hope to everything the new one fits and looks better. This shit is not fun bro.

I feel like fucking punching a wall. I just got fucked by all of dentistry ever man. Fuck this shit. So last week I got a root canal, I had all these anxieties about it but it turned out to be an easy enough procedure. This week I had to come back to get a crown to fix the chipped tooth that I have, now the whole process of getting a crown had never been explained to me and I told my dentist that I was leaving for school on the 29th and I figured he’d take that into account when scheduling this whole thing out. For those of you who don’t know in most cases your dentist drills down your tooth to eliminate the thickness and then puts a temporary crown in place while a permanent one is made with the molding of your teeth. That takes three weeks. I won’t be back in New York until the very end of September (hopefully). And you know what? My temporary crown looks stupid as FUCK. It’s really yellow, so it stands out aside from the rest of my teeth which aren’t really yellow, and it doesn’t fit. Like I basically traded in a chipped tooth for a stupid ass gap that makes me look like I have bucked teeth.

Fuck my fucking life.

As if starting college and meeting a shitload of new people wasn’t nerve racking and scary enough.

SHIT

SHIT.

FUCK.

YOU.